It’s been awhile…

So I’ve settled back in at home. Settling in largely involves having my days completely taken over by my children and husband, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I’m now down to once a week therapy sessions where I’m given exposures as homework, and they’re going pretty well. Between the meds and the therapy I’m slowly turning into a version of myself that I actually really enjoy. 

Do I still have some obsessive thoughts? Of course. Are they anywhere near as crippling as they used to be? No. 

Falling back into routine has been helpful. I like having things to do every day.

One of my favorite things to do is go to the gym. I’m not really a workout person, but the two hours a day of phenomenal child care (seriously, phenomenal… They do crafts and story time with the kids, feed them, and change diapers. It’s like daycare without the cost) and being able to shower without being interrupted is all the motivation I need to get my butt in there.

Once I’m there, I tend to gravitate towards yoga. I used to think yogis were a little weird, but I get what it means to be grounded. Yoga class is one of the few places where I can shut my brain off, and for a person who is often plagued by intrusive thoughts, that is a blessing I just can’t fully express my gratitude for. If you haven’t done it before, it’s worth trying out once. I’m not someone who advocates exercise in place of actual mental health care, but as part of a comprehensive treatment plan, it can help…at least it does for me.

Well, that’s it for now. I was writing during nap and I’m living on borrowed time.

Namaste, friends. 

Preparing for discharge…

Today is my day of treatment in the partial hospitalization program. The thought of leaving brings up a rather large mixed bag of emotions, most of which are positive. Here’s a few I can think of:

I feel grateful. Grateful that I was able to get the help I needed without being put into the poorhouse.

I feel proud. Proud of the work I have done.

I feel apprehensive… What If I’m about to slip up and don’t realize it? What if I’m really in danger and no one caught it?

I feel confident. I’ve been kicking butt. I’m going to keep kicking butt. If I was in danger, one of the many brilliant minds that have been working with me would have caught it by now. I’ve been doing exposures that just talking about made me cry when I first admitted.

I feel excited. I get to see my kids again! I get to live at home!

I feel content. My life–when I’m actually living it– is pretty darn awesome. I can’t wait to be back living it.

I’m ready to get back to my life. I’m ready to be my kids’ mom again. Wish me luck, everyone.