So, tomorrow, I will be leaving my kids with a babysitter while I go to one of my doctor’s appointments.

This is a big deal for me.

I don’t get help. Not really. Not even when I sort of need it. Getting help makes me feel guilty.

Part of me realizes that it’s not really selfish to get a babysitter to go to a doctor’s appointment. I mean, it is such a hassle to bring two children anywhere, especially when you have to be able to have an adult conversation. Furthermore, I’m fairly certain my son has gotten his invitation to future appointments rescinded with his behavior at the last one.

He knocked a picture off the wall, made a mess of the papers on the desk, and BROKE a small figurine. I was mortified.

I really don’t want to bring him to another appointment ever again.

So I got a babysitter. A great one. Highly recommended and everything I would want in someone who watches my kids.

I know that getting a babysitter is something a lot of people do for a lot of different reasons.

I know that I wouldn’t judge another mom for getting a babysitter for any reason, so why do I feel like I don’t deserve a little help from time to time? Why do I either cart my children everywhere and for everything or stay home? Why do I refuse to ask for help (or hire help) unless the situation has gotten to the point of desperation? Why do I need to NEED help before I will get it?

I don’t know.

We’ll see how guilty I feel tomorrow.