Yesterday, I had an appointment with the psychiatric nurse practitioner that prescribes my medications. It went really well.
She mentioned how nice it was for her to see someone with OCD for whom treatment was working, because it’s not something she sees often.
I feel so blessed.
Yes, some of the side effects of my medications are a little annoying. I could do without the weight gain that persists in spite of regular workouts and nutrisystem.* I could also do without the way my hormones are screwed up and I could really do without the drowsiness. Getting me out of bed these days requires a LOT of effort.
All in all, though, had you told me six months ago that my biggest problems would be a need for bigger pants and sloth-like movements in the morning, I would have hugged you. Really, I would have.
Six months ago tomorrow, I entered inpatient psychiatric treatment, completely terrified.
I was convinced that I was dangerous.
I was convinced my family was better off without me.
I was convinced that my life, as it was in that moment was not worth living.
I knew I needed a change, but was scared nothing would help.
I became convinced that I wanted to spend the rest of my life in and out of hospitals, safely locked away from the rest of the world.
Today, I am convinced that I am an amazing wife and mother.
I am convinced that my husband and children are damn lucky to have me.
I am convinced that my life is full of meaning and a beautiful, God-given purpose.
I am so thankful. Thankful for all of the brilliant psychiatric professionals who gave me back my life and gave my family the person they loved again. Thankful for my wonderful, devoted, loving family that never wavered in their support. Thankful for a God who loves me and saw me through the most tumultuous time in my life. Thankful for the friends who looked after Luke and my kids, and everyone who kept me in prayer.
When I think of the multitude of people who had my back, I am brought to tears of joy.
When I think of the thousands of tiny ways my life is better now, I want to tell every person I meet.
When I think of all the people out there still struggling with OCD, I want to say it can get better. It did for me. It’s hard to take your life back from this disorder, but if you put in the work and get the right help, you can do it.
Six months ago, I had written myself off.
Today, I am back in charge of my own life.
I am so blessed.
If you or someone you know is struggling with OCD, I strongly recommend contacting the phenomenal professionals at Rogers Memorial Hospital. “Life. Worth. Living” is their motto. That’s exactly what they gave me.
*I have since given up on that diet. 3 months without results is long enough.