Wow, it’s been awhile since I’ve updated here. Sorry, friends!
I started a new faith and motherhood blog (shameless plug: it’s http://www.mamafullofgrace.com) this month, and I admit that I’ve been putting all of my focus there. I’m starting to gain a lot of confidence in my blogging skills, and I’ve been receiving some pretty decent feedback from some unexpected places, so I’ve decided that I really want to treat it like a job. I’m making editorial calendars, doing the SEO thing, and developing a promotion strategy. It’s a lot of work, but I enjoy it.
That doesn’t mean I’ve forgotten about my blog here.
Motherhood and faith are immensely important to me, but so is bringing awareness to the OCDemon. I’m still hearing my disorder being carelessly thrown around as other people’s adjective, and I’m still getting contacted by people who stumble across this blog or my twitter account and are in need of encouragement.
If you’re one of those people, I’m not forgetting you. Together, we need to put faces and voices to the diagnosis. I won’t forget about my responsibility there. I promise.
So, since I last wrote, I had a birthday. I’m now 31. I went home to visit my parents and for my birthday, took on my scariest exposure yet: shooting a gun.
Yes, you heard me right. I. shot. a. gun.
The days leading into it, I was pretty scared. I couldn’t sleep at night because the anticipatory anxiety was that high. I was worried that I would shoot myself, my mother, or one of the other people at the range.
Logically, I know that I wouldn’t even hit someone, but OCD isn’t logical and likes to try to convince me that I’m dangerous and about to hurt everyone I love.
Well, I faced the fear. I loaded and shot a gun. Multiple times.
This was a huge step for me–when I was in treatment less than a year ago, I was afraid to even shoot a video game gun. I’m so high up on my hierarchy that we’re trying to come up with bigger and scarier things for me to do. As terrifying as it is, it’s also a little exhilarating, facing those fears. I can kind of see why adrenaline junkies get so addicted to doing terrifying things. I won’t become one of them, because doing everyday things gives me the same rush that I’m sure they get from crazy stunts (like jumping out of a perfectly good airplane…. seriously? WHY?)
I’m doing so well.
I’m really proud of myself and I know that I wouldn’t have been able to do anything even close to this without the amazing professionals who worked with me. From medication to CBT, thought challenging to exposure work, the tools they have given me have allowed me to take control of my life and have given me back to my family.
I am so blessed.