I’ve been in a really good place lately. I’ve actually been able to sleep at night and my time spent obsessing over things has gone way down.

Physically, however, I’ve got a few things going on.

Apparently I have hypothyroidism, which explains some of the weight gain. It also explains why I am always exhausted, even though I’m not depressed and my children actually sleep through the night. (Most nights).

I also haven’t had a cycle since before ladybug was conceived. She’s almost one and a half.

So, I had a bunch of tests done and met with an endocrinologist.

The lack of cycles is due to my prolactin being high, which can happen when taking risperdal.

So he mentioned going off of it.

There are a few reasons I don’t want to, but the big one is:

I’m doing so well, I don’t want to change anything.

Maybe the risperdal has nothing to do with how well I’m doing. Maybe it’s the zoloft. Maybe it’s the CBT. Maybe it’s that I’m finally out of the postpartum period.

(I would guess it’s a combination of all of those things)

But I really don’t want to risk it.

I remember what it felt like when I was really far gone, and I don’t want to go back there.

I don’t even want to chance it.